One of the two poems I read at the evening session at the “Smatterings” conference was a nonsense poem, very much in the tradition of Lewis Carroll.

In “Rhymes and Rhythm” it follows on from two poems which use actual similes.  The first is a traditional rhyme consisting of pairs of similes which combine to form a series of  couplets. Here are two of them:

As wet as a fish, as dry as a bone;

As live as a bird, as dead as a stone.

As hard as flint, as soft as a mole;

As white as a lily, as black as coal.

Some of the similes are archaic, but this particular poem is quite old, and not all similes stand the test of time.

In my own poem ‘Sensible Similes’ I use a similar metre, again with rhyming couplets, with two (relatively current) similes in the first line, and an extended one in the second, e.g.

As white as a lily, as blue as the sky;

As bright as the flags on the Fourth of July.

As blind as a bat, as light as a feather;

As wild as a horse at the end of its tether.

As keen as mustard, as strong as an ox;

As rough as a rocker with long filthy locks.

As deep as the ocean, as endless as time;

As sad as a simile used in a rhyme.

These all make sense, which is why I call them ‘sensible’, unlike the following poem, ‘Silly Similes’ which is dedicated, as I say, to the author of ‘Alice in Wonderland’.

As fond as a finger, as safe as a spoon,

as cruel as a cucumber planted in June.

As bold as a button, as mildewed as May,

as merry as mutton from foggy Bombay.

As fast as a feather, as grand as a glove,

as weary as weather all limpid with love.

As blunt as a blazer, as clever as clay,

as ripe as a razor on Michaelmas Day.

As high as a handle, as hot as a hare,

as scarce as a scandal in Washington Square.

As lean as a lever, as silken as sighs,

as wet as a weaver of marmalade pies.

As weak as a waistcoat, as fat as a flea,

as pale as a parson from sunny Dundee.

As proud as a plum stone, as poor as a peach,

as wise as a whistle on Cheltenham beach.

As tough as a tailor, as drunk as a door,

as soft as a sailor at quarter to four.

As rich as a rissole, as dense as a duck,

as sad as a simile down on its luck.

Hope you like the alliteration, the occasional internal rhymes, and the fact that the likelihood of the adjective and noun actually collocating is just about zero.